Monday, 22 February 2016

The right person...

This weekend I was described as a delicate desert flower. In a barren landscape where there is no life, against all odds, a tiny sprout makes its appearance. A rare flower in the middle of nowhere, only to be discovered by this one person. Someone else might have overlooked the beauty of this flower, but for this one person it was exactly what he wanted, what he searched for. He knew the surroundings and what it meant for that particular flower to grow in such conditions. It’s one of a kind. It’s me.

They say there are 3 sides to a story. Mine, yours and the truth. For some, the truth will never be revealed. You make your own assumptions and try to piece the puzzle together to make sense of what happened. You see things, you hear things and it contradicts the “truth” you were told. Not to go into detail, but my ex-husband’s first words to me the day he left me was “I’m not in love with you anymore”. Followed by we never should have gotten married, we are not compatible, he’s not happy. He doesn’t like my mannerisms. And the final knife in the back…”I know what I want now and it is not you…” Harsh words at the time. A time when I was at my most vulnerable, depressed and down in the dumps because we were struggling to conceive. We handled the situation so wrong, and it escalated into him jumping ship very quickly. Without even trying to fix the wholes. For months I tried to figure out what I did wrong…even though I had my faults. Was I not pretty enough, was I not successful or smart enough?  Was I such a horrible wife that he found comfort in what turned out to be the one thing he was looking for?

It took me a while and a lot of therapy (no shame in that) to realise that I was not the problem. He had a problem with who I was as a human being, my character, and the elements that makes me who I am. It was his problem, not mine.

I am who I am. I've never pretended to be someone I'm not. It must be so tiring to fake that, so why would I even try. Sure you grow as a person, you learn and you might change as your surroundings change. But you are still you. Your have a certain set of standards and you live by it. You shouldn't change or pretend to be someone you are not just to impress someone. It will catch up with you eventually. Be the most authentic version of yourself and the RIGHT person will love you for you. The right person will put up with your bullshit. The right person will see you at your worst and stick it out with you. He’ll laugh with you when you’re happy and cry with you when you’re sad.

I didn't really believe that there is one right or wrong person for you. Some people might be a better match yes, but it all comes down to the daily choice you make. If BOTH of you choose, every day, to accept the other person for who and what he is you’ll be happy. Happy with yourself and happy with your partner. It just happens sometimes that the person you thought were right ended up proving that he was wrong all along.

I now believe in the saying…If he couldn’t like me at my worst, he sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.