Friday, 4 November 2016

ruin is a gift

Earlier this week I had the urgency to watch the movie “Eat Pray Love” again, perhaps because I’m also reading the book when I get a chance or maybe because I needed a new perspective on this current journey I’m on. When I first saw the movie years ago I merely saw it as a romantic melodrama, I was young, in love and had no idea (or could relate) to the character’s journey after a heart-breaking divorce. I didn’t know anyone that was divorced, it was something that happened to other people and in my books it simply never was or would be an option for me.

Rude awakening as a few years later I found myself in Elizabeth Gilbert’s shoes. Lost and divorced. More so on the receiving end of being served with a divorce summons, but the consequences much the same. Unfortunately I don’t have a small fortune to travel to three countries to find myself, although Italy is and always was on my list of countries I sooo badly want to visit.
Anyway, so I had to endure the torture first-hand at work for months, locking myself behind a bathroom door trying to hide the sobs and pain that resided in me. On days when I wanted to leave my employment, I was reassured by colleagues and family that it would be a really stupid thing to do. I’m still not sure if it was the right choice and I still get my days when I see the ex and want to run away, screaming for the hills from all the pain he caused me. It still hurts….

But you get up every morning, start a new day, go to work and try to be reminded of the below extract from the book….

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

My loss was a gift. My pain was a gift. The devastation it brought to my life was a gift.
Ruin was my gift.
It led to growth and transformation. An on-going process in life and in love.